When a child is diagnosed with autism, families enter a world of therapy appointments, IEP meetings, and learning how to best support their child’s needs. While much of the attention understandably goes toward helping the autistic child thrive, there’s another group who can be deeply affected: their siblings.

Siblings of autistic children play a unique and often under-discussed role in the family dynamic. They may act as protectors, translators, cheerleaders, or peacekeepers. But they may also experience confusion, frustration, or even guilt. In this blog, we’ll explore what research says about the experiences of these siblings and offer practical, compassionate tips for supporting them.

Common Challenges for Siblings

1. Feeling Overlooked

It’s not uncommon for neurotypical siblings to feel like their needs take a back seat. A 2021 review published in Frontiers in Psychology found that siblings of autistic children often report feeling neglected or less important than their sibling with autism, especially during high-stress family periods (Shivers et al., 2021).  Because parents are juggling therapy schedules, managing sensory meltdowns, and much more, there may be less one-on-one time available.

 

2. Emotional Confusion and Guilt

There are times when siblings of autistic kids may experience a mix of love and resentment, and then feel guilty for having those feelings. Some may also feel pressure to be the “easy” or “perfect” child to balance out the attention their autistic sibling receives (Tsao et al., 2012). They might not understand why their brother or sister behaves in certain ways, especially if they haven’t had autism explained in an age-appropriate way. 

3. Bullying or Social Stress

Children with autistic siblings sometimes face bullying or teasing from peers who don’t understand autism. They might feel hesitant to invite friends over due to worries about their sibling’s behavior. Some siblings may also act out in front of peers or others. They may be seeking extra attention or struggle to socially engage due to fewer natural experiences of practicing their own social skills.

4. Premature Responsibility

Older siblings might be asked to help with caregiving tasks. To an extent, this is completely normal and can go a long way in fostering maturity. However, it can also lead to stress, especially if they feel responsible for their sibling’s well-being (Petalas et al., 2012).  

What Parents Can Do: Practical Ways to Support All Your Children

1. Make Time for Each Child

Even small, regular doses of one-on-one time can make a big impact. This doesn’t need to be extravagant; it could be reading a bedtime story together, going out for ice cream, or just taking a walk.

Try scheduling “special time” with each child. Let them pick the activity and keep it consistent, even if it’s just 15–20 minutes a week! These moments show your neurotypical child that they matter, not just as a helper or sibling, but as an individual.

2. Talk About Autism, Honestly and Often

Research shows that siblings benefit when autism is explained in developmentally appropriate ways (Glasberg, 2000). Don’t be afraid to answer questions or address their sibling’s behaviors.

Normalize the discussion. Use books, social stories, or sibling support groups to help bridge understanding. When siblings are informed, they’re more likely to feel empathy rather than confusion or frustration. One book in particular that has been praised for its relatability and helpfulness is “Everybody is Different: A Book for Young People Who Have Brothers or Sisters with Autism” by Fiona Bleach.

3. Acknowledge Their Emotions… All of Them!

Let your child know that it’s okay to feel sad, jealous, embarrassed, or even angry. Avoid shaming them for having complicated feelings. Instead, offer validation:
“It’s okay to feel frustrated when things are hard. I’m here to listen.”

This will hopefully help them feel emotionally safe and encourage open communication in the long term.

4. Avoid Making Them a “Third Parent”

Again, while it’s natural to ask older siblings for help sometimes, try not to rely on them for caregiving. Allow them to be kids, too. When they take on too much responsibility, they can experience what’s called “parentification”, which is linked to long-term stress and emotional challenges (Hooper et al., 2011). If they do want to help, let it come from choice, not pressure. Consider the sibling’s age and if the responsibility you are asking them to take on is age-appropriate. While many of our siblings end up being wise beyond their years, it is critical to ask them to assist with things that are within their abilities.  

5. Involve Them in a Positive Way

Whenever it’s appropriate, try and include siblings in fun or meaningful ways! They can help set up a sensory activity, read a story, or be part of a therapy session, if they want to. This fosters connection and helps neurotypical siblings feel included, not left out.  STEPS Behavioral Health LOVES siblings!  We often include our clients’ siblings in activities during in-home therapy to work on meaningful interactions and positive playful experiences.

6. Seek Out Sibling Support Groups

Many organizations offer sibling groups, where kids can meet others who relate to them. These groups allow them to share their experiences, learn coping skills, and build a sense of community. According to research, sibling support groups can improve emotional adjustment and help reduce feelings of isolation (Ferraioli & Harris, 2010).

Check with your local autism center, children’s hospital, or community center for options.  If you are struggling, speak with your child’s BCBA and team.  They usually know about resources right in your community. Additionally, your child’s BCBA can come up with programming to work with your children on purposeful and meaningful interactions!  Don’t be afraid to ask!

Remember: Siblings Need to Be Seen, Heard, and Supported

When a child has a developmental disability like autism, it shifts the entire family system. But when parents actively support their neurotypical children — by making space for their voices, honoring their emotions, and giving them a sense of belonging — the family becomes more balanced and resilient.

Here are some things siblings often wish parents knew:

• “Sometimes I just want to talk about my own day without worrying about how my brother is doing.”
• “It helps when my parents let me be mad or sad without saying I’m being selfish.”
• “I love my sister, but I’m not her therapist. I need breaks, too.”

These are thoughts that many siblings have, including those without a neurodivergent sibling. Having an understanding of these perspectives can help parents be mindful and keep them from continuing potentially upsetting or harmful behaviors. 

Final Thoughts

Supporting a child with autism is a journey filled with learning, growth, and constant adaptation. Along the way, don’t forget the siblings who walk beside them.

Having an autistic sibling can be such a positive and rewarding experience. With the right support, these children often grow into deeply compassionate, empathetic adults. But to get there, they need parents and caregivers to see them, not just as helpers or “the easy one,” but as whole people with their own needs and dreams.

By tuning into their voices, emotions, and experiences, you can help all your children thrive together.

References

• Ferraioli, S. J., & Harris, S. L. (2010). The impact of autism on siblings. Journal of Developmental and Physical Disabilities, 22(3), 239–253. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10882-009-9171-8

• Glasberg, B. A. (2000). Siblings of Children with Autism: A Guide for Families. Woodbine House.

• Hooper, L. M., Doehler, K., Wallace, S. A., & Hannah, N. J. (2011). The Parentification Inventory: Development, validation, and cross-validation. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 39(3), 226–241.

• Petalas, M. A., Hastings, R. P., Nash, S., Reilly, D., & Dowey, A. (2012). “I like that he always shows who he is”: The perceptions and experiences of siblings with a brother with autism spectrum disorder. International Journal of Disability, Development and Education, 59(4), 303–318.

• Shivers, C. M., Deisenroth, L. K., & Taylor, J. L. (2021). Sibling relationships and adjustment in families of children with autism spectrum disorder. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 684473. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.684473

Tsao, L. L., Davenport, R., & Schmiege, C. (2012). Supporting siblings of children with autism spectrum disorders. Early Child Development and Care, 182(12), 1581–1598.